5 Things that Neo-Trek Taught Me
Written by Liam MorrisNew Life and New Civilizations are Boring
Star Fleet is a Peacekeeping Armada.
Star Fleet has always been a Peacekeeping Armada.
Star Fleet is no longer burdened with the namby-pamby responsibility of outer space exploration. After all, the Milky Way galaxy is like a really, really sleepy small town: doubtless, by the 23rd century we’ve seen all there is to see. The pursuit of knowledge, the search for other cultures and the understanding of humanity’s place in the cosmos can therefore all play second fiddle to space policing.
Revenge is Good
If your hated enemies are trapped in a crippled spaceship that is being bisected and consumed by a newborn black hole, whatever you do, be sure to kill them before the black hole can. After all, dignity is for pussies, and there is truly nothing more cathartic than killing someone who is effectively already dead. Who cares if it’s all a little unseemly and ugly?
Revenge can be bad, but only when it is directed against you. If the bad guy is drowning, shoot him in the face.
Logic is Bad
Logic is stupid.
The dictums of pure logic and reason have caused the entire Vulcan race to turn inevitably (and inexplicably) to xenophobia and racism. Vulcan kids are mean to kiddy Spock; Vulcan adults are condescending to adult Spock. One wonders why the Vulcans, being such big players in the Federation, would want anything to do with the Federation in the first place, seeing as how even being in the same room as a single demihuman sends them all into paroxysms of condescension: “Aww, little Spock wants to be in the Science Academy. Thank gawd he didn’t inherit his mother’s earth-dwelling micro-brain. Snort, snort. Logical, logical, logical.”
In the end, this all for the good, as having the Vulcans repeatedly demonstrate their prejudice towards non-Vulcans serves to keep us from caring too much once they are all arbitrarily driven to near-extinction. Which brings us to…
Bad Men Need No Motive
When bad people do bad things, they are often driven by fuzzy logic (logic being bad, see above) that only they understand and no one around them wants to explore.
Nero the Romulan blows up Vulcan, a planet which is not only the current homeworld of the Vulcans but the abandoned homeworld of Nero the Romulan’s distant ancestors. He does this because he’s angry and ineffectual, and only really effective at lashing out at anyone who has nothing to do with any of the things currently weighing on his mind: “My wife and child will die 150 years from now and I, an involuntary time-traveler, am powerless to prevent it. Grr.” We shouldn’t try to understand his thinking, because when we fit the pieces together we find they don’t make an actual picture in the first place.
Nero’s behaviour should be a great comfort to us all, and whenever anyone out in the real world does something we can’t understand, we oughtn’t to try.
Doing What Feels Right is Good
Reason is the ultimate enemy to Getting the Job Done. We will never be able to drape that “Mission Accomplished” banner across our bow if people keep listening to the niggling doubts in their heads. When the giant, blue, floating God-Face wants the keys to your starship, don’t ask “Why does God-Face need a starship?” Give him the god-face-damned keys, already.
"Let go of logic. Do what feels right." Unless, of course, you’re Niro and “what feels right” happens to be “blowing the hell out of Vulcan.” Then: don’t do that thing that feels right. Have a smoke. Think it over. Wait a decade or two. See how you feel.
Doing What Feels Right is strictly the prerogative of Good Guys.
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